One Month to GCIV!!!

THE GODDESS HANDBOOK

Goddess Heirarchy

Julie Anne is the Head Goddess. This doesn't mean she knows everything but she knows enough. Besides, she organizes the convention every year so that, in itself, gives her certain rights and privileges. Juliana says, "It's my party and I'll invite whoever I want!"

Rose is the next best thing to Julie Anne. She is Julie Anne's 2IC (Second In Command). If Julie Anne is too busy or too tired, speak to Rose. When it comes to matters of good taste, speak to Rose. When in doubt about proper Goddess behaviour or attire, speak to Rose.

Heidi is the Mini Goddess. She may be the smallest Goddess you'll ever meet but she's got the biggest attitude. Watch and listen to Heidi -- you can learn a lot about Goddess behaviour from her!

Beatrice is the person most likely to lead us into trouble. Watch out for Beatrice! She is also our resident "Frida-phile" so if you see anything Frida-related, tell Beatrice. Beatrice also has the strongest liver of any Goddess you will ever meet. You will be taking your life into your hands partying with Beatrice. She also is the most fun! Oh, and if she has an idea for a group shot, go with it.

Mary Ann is also very capable of leading us into trouble. So make sure you follow her and do whatever she does. When she starts drinking margaritas, watch out! Either get out of the way or join in. Joining in is much more fun. Mary Ann has a great nose for wine and bars where good looking guys can be found. Like I said, follow her anywhere and you are guaranteed a rip snorting good time.

Goddess Behaviour

You must be over 40 to be a Goddess.

If you're under age 40, you are a GIT (Goddess-In-Training).

If you're confident, funny, outspoken, assertive and friendly, you are definitely a Goddess!

Every Goddess has a Spanish or Mexican name. Choose one for yourself and advise the Head Goddess or the 2IC. The following names have already been taken:

Juliana - Julie Anne
Rosa - Rose
Nancy - Heidi (it's a long story!)
Frida - Beatrice
Mariana - Mary Ann

If you're too shy to wear your tiara in public, you are not Goddess material.

A diva is not a Goddess. A diva is too high maintenance to hang with the Goddesses (you divas know who you are … don't bother coming to the party).

If you have to ask a fellow Goddess what to wear, more than once, you're a diva so get lost!

If you complain ad nauseum (that's Latin for "a lot") about your weight or hair or makeup or clothes or anything else (other than men), you are a diva. Take a hike!

If you talk incessantly about your husband, boyfriend and/or children, you are a diva. Shut up and go away!

However, if you have a husband AND a boyfriend, you are a Goddess.

Goddess Attire

Tiaras are MANDATORY for all Goddess Events.

When not worn, tiaras must be kept in a place of honour.

Tiaras can be worn anywhere on the body.

Tiaras are not to be used for home decoration. (Martha Stewart is a diva!)

Tiaras can be handmade, store bought or priceless family heirlooms. It's the thought that counts, not the value (unless you count sentimental value).

Boas are not mandatory but do add style and flair to goddess functions. They also make you feel like a million bucks. (FYI -- boas and hot flashes do not mix well together!)

Name tags can be worn anywhere on your body and/or clothing.

Anything with the word Goddess on it should be bought immediately, preferably in bulk.

If you see anything with a tiara on it, including jewellery, cards, pins, tshirts, hats, WHATEVER, buy as many as you can immediately! If you have to wrestle small children for these items, please feel free to do so but don't let their mothers catch you doing it.

Only past attendees of the Goddess Convention are allowed to buy and wear the official Austrian crystal Goddess pin. See Julie Anne for details.

And finally, it's not what you wear, it's how you wear it!

Goddess Law (there's only one)

What happens in Mexico, stays in Mexico!!!

Goddess Sayings

I am SUCH a Goddess!

You are SUCH a Goddess!

She is DEFINITELY Goddess material.

Oh my Goddess!

Thank the Goddess!

It's not a crown -- it's a TIARA!

Get your hands OFF my tiara!

What time did we get home last night/this morning?

Did you say 2 for 1?

Do these shoes match my tiara?

BYOB -- bring your own boa.

What do you mean you want me to cook? I did that once already this month!!!

Give and Take

Have I told you yet about my new friend Candice? I met her a scant three days after her initial email to me on February 2nd. The subject line on her email was "Incoming Goddess". She was only in Vallarta for a few days so we agreed to meet at CCs on Saturday February 5th. She plied me with gifts of Kit Kat Chunky chocolate bars and a magic Goddess wand. We spent the evening together with some mutual friends and since the next day was my day off, I took her on one of my famous "walking tours" of Vallarta. After a long hard day of seeing the "real" Vallarta, we enjoyed a wonderful dinner at Coco Tropical before she left early the next morning for Talpa and beyond.

I knew she was returning to Vallarta with her husband for one night before flying back to Seattle. I thought it was last Friday so I was more than a little disappointed when the day came and went, but no Candice. :( Well, silly me had the day wrong! They were in town last night and showed up at my Spanish class (after receiving directions from someone at Viva) and invited me out for drinks. Drinks turned into dinner and they insisted on buying and then walking me part way home. Dick wanted to smoke his cigar and we were all loathe to let the evening end, so I offered to take them for a nightcap at La Palapa.

We walked into the bar and found Alberto, the owner, playing live music as he does every Monday and Tuesday night. I haven't been there this year so it was a real treat to hear Alberto, Memo and Bobbie playing together. Dick and Candice were utterly delighted with the bar, with the restaurant and with the music ... Candice was particularly transfixed by Alberto. If you haven't seen him before, you won't understand what I'm talking about but trust me, a photo is coming! Anyway, it was the perfect ending to a perfect evening with wonderful new friends. It was an unforgettable way for them to spend their last night in Vallarta.

Today I was super busy at work. I have a kazillion pieces of merchandise to mark in preparation for a huge trunk show Mary Sue is planning at Viva next Tuesday night. So when Liliana called me on the in-house phone to tell me I had a "visitor", I was less than thrilled to go downstairs, looking for someone who told Lily, "Juliana doesn't know me". Imagine my surprise when I was approached by an attractive woman, around my age, who introduced herself as Annette, a lurker on JR's board (http://vallartascene.com/forum/phpBB2/) and also a big fan of my blog. She and her husband, Richard, are from Illinois and as we started chatting, she handed me a shopping bag and said, "This is for you."

Lately, I've been receiving many thoughtful gifts from old friends and new friends but none as amazing as this. Inside the shopping bag were TWO velvet bags with the word "GODDESS" inscribed on the outside in Swarovski crystals -- one in black and one in red. I couldn't believe my eyes so I laughed and enveloped Annette in a huge hug! How could someone who has never met me before pick out such a perfect gift? Also enclosed was a Goddess bumper sticker that matched my uniform. I made them promise to meet me for drinks on Saturday night so I could introduce them to some other board members and thank them for their generosity.

So I've been asking myself lately what I'm giving back as a result of all this generosity and the answer is probably not enough. Hopefully, when time permits and as my work slows down, I will be able to find some way to give something back to this wonderful cyber community. If you have any ideas, I would love to hear them!

Only In Mexico ...

I have a nine piece mariachi band playing LIVE outside my window! It is Arturo's birthday (my gay landlord). He is 37 today and since Monday is his day off, he decided to throw a party. He knows I work days and has been very concerned about inconveniencing me. He even told me about the party in advance and offered to put me up elsewhere. I told him not to worry about it. It's his birthday after all. He also mentioned that it would be from 8PM to midnight -- NO LATER!!! LOL Let's just say I'm not holding my breath with respect to the time the party will end and I'm warming up my earplugs ...

Not that they would block out the mariachis who arrived punctually at 10PM. They are incredibly loud but I'm thrilled. I love mariachi and they look so great in their matching dark teal suits (not to mention the tight pants!). They're not the best mariachi I've ever heard but then, they're the only ones I've ever had right outside my bedroom window. *sigh* Life is good. Time to finish my Spanish homework, grab a glass of wine and head downstairs! :)

Isn't She Fabulous?

You can always tell when I've been watching Sex and the City re-runs on TBS because I talk about my girlfriends. They are coming (let me count) in approximately 45 days. Heidi, Rose, Beatrice (all from Toronto) and Mary Ann from Dixon, CA. I've arranged for them to stay for two whole weeks at a condo on the beach with a pool on the roof and I can't wait to see them! I expect to have a great time while they are here. We will be out almost every night, eating in all the best restaurants (you know, the ones I've been saving to try while they're here). You'll recognize us by our tiaras, boas, bejewelled black panti-liner name tags and other Goddess paraphernalia. We will be the talk of the town for two weeks. Look for the boa-wrapped palapa on the beach and you'll probably find one or more of us sipping a margarita, looking at young men in tight bathing suits, yelling "Get out of our way -- we're fabulous!"

Well February is half over and that means that Valentine's Day has come and gone for another year. Is anyone else tired of the commercialism of this "event"? Or am I jaded because I didn't have a valentine? Well, technically I actually had TWO! My friends Tim and Susan arrived from San Francisco on February 14th and took me out for dinner. How's that for a friendship that started in PV (we met through a former boyfriend of mine) and has managed to last more than a year via email? My friend Darlene (also known as my much shorter sister) is also in town for a month and she arrived on Saturday despite much speculation about her health. Having gone through two back surgeries within less than four months at the end of last year, we were unsure of her progress prior to her arrival. She has surprised us all with her resilience and fortitude. No doubt the warm weather and sunny days here will help in her recovery. Much more relaxing than being in Winterpeg! I'm so glad she's here ...

We had three ships in port today. What a crazy place this city becomes when the cruise boats arrive. We were extremely busy in the store and apparently there are two more ships tomorrow. Oh well! It's time to "make hay while the sun is shining". So hard to believe that the high season will be over in another six weeks. Where did the winter go? I start Spanish lessons tomorrow. I saw an ad in the Tribune for a teacher located directly across the street from the store so I talked my friend Scott into going with me on Tuesdays and Thursdays after work at 5PM. Since we are the only two in the class, we hope to help shape the lesson plans to coincide with our work at Viva. How do you say "espadrilles" in Spanish? LOL BTW, they called me down to the floor today to speak to a woman in French! I nearly died ... I can hardly remember any French anymore and when I try, I can't seem to flick the switch in my brain over from Spanglish. I kept saying, "Si Madame" but I understood "chapeau blanc" and "valise" so I was able to figure out that she wanted a white hat that she could pack in her suitcase. We muddled through it somehow and I made the sale. :)

On a completely unrelated topic, what's up with people's feet? I see many more feet here in PV than I ever did in Toronto. I am always very conscious of having a nice pedicure and clean, soft feet because of my job and my overall fastidiousness with proper grooming but do other people care about this? Apparently not! I am constantly being assaulted by the sight of some people's feet. To see a woman with bad foot hygiene is just shocking to me but I find men's feet particularly repulsive. Do they think we don't see them in their sports sandals? Guys, no one wants to look at your unclipped toenails and hard callouses. Get a clue and get a pedicure! They are relaxing and healthy. Last year, for Valentine's Day, my boyfriend got himself a pedicure. It was one of the nicest things he ever did for me ...

Small World

I'm walking down the street tonight on my way home from work, just after 6PM and I pass a guy wearing a tshirt from "Ethel's". Something tweaked that name in my memory and I recalled that it was the name of a popular university bar in Waterloo, Ontario, Canada, where I grew up. So I turned around and said, "Have you been to Ethel's in Waterloo?". They stopped and said yes. I explained that I recognized the tshirt and the young woman told me she had worked at Forewell's Variety for 9 years. I explained that I went to school with Susan Forewell. I told her I went to St. David's (junior high) and then Bluevale C.I. This same young woman went to St. David's and her boyfriend/husband went to Bluevale. Cool!

The other day in the store, I was waiting on two ladies who, through the course of our conversation, admitted to living in Toronto. Most people in Southwestern Ontario will say that even though they live hours outside of Toronto because no one knows any of the small towns close by. Well, I grew up in the twin cities of Kitchener-Waterloo, about an hour's drive west of Toronto. It turns out one of these ladies lived just outside Stratford, which is about 20 minutes from Waterloo. The other one lived downtown Toronto and when I asked her where, she said "Bloor and Sherbourne". After a quick geography lesson, we determined that she lives in the same condo building as my friend Rose. Very cool!

It's a small world after all ... :)

Looking Ahead

I've been thinking a lot about staying here vs. moving back to Toronto for the summer. I think I could live here year 'round. One thing I did notice on my four plus months at "home" last summer was the fact that I felt fearful. I don't feel that way here in Vallarta. My Mom said I never felt that way about Toronto before I lived in Mexico and she's probably right. (I hate when that happens!). I think I have lived with fear all my life, as most women do, but was so used to it, I never gave it a second thought. We are taught to be afraid of men, to be afraid of speaking out, to be afraid of success and so on. Why is that? My fear was exacerbated living in a large urban area. The fact that I am not afraid here is so incredible. Most people, when I tell them I live here, have a hard time understanding why I'm not afraid. They have difficulty believing me when I tell them I feel SAFE here. Most of the crime here is against property, not people. It's so very different than at home. It's hard to explain to someone who has never been here.

The sun finally came out on Sunday after a spectacular sunset on Saturday night. After six days of rain, everyone was smiling. I just feel sorry for those vacationers who were only here for one week. They certainly received a very grim impression of Vallarta; far from the sunny, warm, breezy days we are experiencing right now. Frankly, I enjoyed the change in the weather but I wouldn't want to have more than a week of clouds. Reminds me too much of the summer we had in Toronto last year. It was so dismal (and I was so miserable), I had to come down here for a week to warm up!

I am expecting a lot of friends in town this month so I don't know how much time I will have to 'blog'. Unfortunately, blogging is a solitary venture so if you like what you're reading, drop me a quick note to say "hi". I sometimes receive an email from someone I don't know, who reads this and enjoys it. And once in awhile I meet someone who says, "You don't know me but I read your blog!" I would like to thank all of you for your continued support of my efforts and I will do my best to keep you up-to-date on my adventures.

Rain, Rain, Go Away! :(

This is the fourth day in a row that has been overcast with showers. Enough already! I shouldn't complain since we've been really busy in the store as a result. What else is there to do in Vallarta but eat, drink and shop when the sun is being elusive? It's really windy tonight and spitting a little bit. I just came back from the garbage drop off corner and the store. I wore my pajamas with my jean jacket and sports sandals. No makeup, dirty hair in a ponytail -- what a Goddess!!! No one saw me ... I hope. LOL And who cares if they did?

I'm off tomorrow. There is no merchandise in the store to mark. The boss is still away in the U.S. until Tuesday night. Hopefully, those wonderful guys at UPS or DHL will deliver something tomorrow. If not, I'm off until Monday ... what to do, what to do. I think I will sleep in and then try to talk Colleen into going out for breakfast. She was out all day today on a friend's boat, came home at 7PM and went straight to bed. Maybe the sun will come out so I can go down the beach and work on my non-existent tan. Or maybe I'll go shopping. The possibilities are endless! :)