One Month to GCIV!!!

THE GODDESS HANDBOOK

Goddess Heirarchy

Julie Anne is the Head Goddess. This doesn't mean she knows everything but she knows enough. Besides, she organizes the convention every year so that, in itself, gives her certain rights and privileges. Juliana says, "It's my party and I'll invite whoever I want!"

Rose is the next best thing to Julie Anne. She is Julie Anne's 2IC (Second In Command). If Julie Anne is too busy or too tired, speak to Rose. When it comes to matters of good taste, speak to Rose. When in doubt about proper Goddess behaviour or attire, speak to Rose.

Heidi is the Mini Goddess. She may be the smallest Goddess you'll ever meet but she's got the biggest attitude. Watch and listen to Heidi -- you can learn a lot about Goddess behaviour from her!

Beatrice is the person most likely to lead us into trouble. Watch out for Beatrice! She is also our resident "Frida-phile" so if you see anything Frida-related, tell Beatrice. Beatrice also has the strongest liver of any Goddess you will ever meet. You will be taking your life into your hands partying with Beatrice. She also is the most fun! Oh, and if she has an idea for a group shot, go with it.

Mary Ann is also very capable of leading us into trouble. So make sure you follow her and do whatever she does. When she starts drinking margaritas, watch out! Either get out of the way or join in. Joining in is much more fun. Mary Ann has a great nose for wine and bars where good looking guys can be found. Like I said, follow her anywhere and you are guaranteed a rip snorting good time.

Goddess Behaviour

You must be over 40 to be a Goddess.

If you're under age 40, you are a GIT (Goddess-In-Training).

If you're confident, funny, outspoken, assertive and friendly, you are definitely a Goddess!

Every Goddess has a Spanish or Mexican name. Choose one for yourself and advise the Head Goddess or the 2IC. The following names have already been taken:

Juliana - Julie Anne
Rosa - Rose
Nancy - Heidi (it's a long story!)
Frida - Beatrice
Mariana - Mary Ann

If you're too shy to wear your tiara in public, you are not Goddess material.

A diva is not a Goddess. A diva is too high maintenance to hang with the Goddesses (you divas know who you are … don't bother coming to the party).

If you have to ask a fellow Goddess what to wear, more than once, you're a diva so get lost!

If you complain ad nauseum (that's Latin for "a lot") about your weight or hair or makeup or clothes or anything else (other than men), you are a diva. Take a hike!

If you talk incessantly about your husband, boyfriend and/or children, you are a diva. Shut up and go away!

However, if you have a husband AND a boyfriend, you are a Goddess.

Goddess Attire

Tiaras are MANDATORY for all Goddess Events.

When not worn, tiaras must be kept in a place of honour.

Tiaras can be worn anywhere on the body.

Tiaras are not to be used for home decoration. (Martha Stewart is a diva!)

Tiaras can be handmade, store bought or priceless family heirlooms. It's the thought that counts, not the value (unless you count sentimental value).

Boas are not mandatory but do add style and flair to goddess functions. They also make you feel like a million bucks. (FYI -- boas and hot flashes do not mix well together!)

Name tags can be worn anywhere on your body and/or clothing.

Anything with the word Goddess on it should be bought immediately, preferably in bulk.

If you see anything with a tiara on it, including jewellery, cards, pins, tshirts, hats, WHATEVER, buy as many as you can immediately! If you have to wrestle small children for these items, please feel free to do so but don't let their mothers catch you doing it.

Only past attendees of the Goddess Convention are allowed to buy and wear the official Austrian crystal Goddess pin. See Julie Anne for details.

And finally, it's not what you wear, it's how you wear it!

Goddess Law (there's only one)

What happens in Mexico, stays in Mexico!!!

Goddess Sayings

I am SUCH a Goddess!

You are SUCH a Goddess!

She is DEFINITELY Goddess material.

Oh my Goddess!

Thank the Goddess!

It's not a crown -- it's a TIARA!

Get your hands OFF my tiara!

What time did we get home last night/this morning?

Did you say 2 for 1?

Do these shoes match my tiara?

BYOB -- bring your own boa.

What do you mean you want me to cook? I did that once already this month!!!