On Being Assertive

Assertive behavior is:

Standing up for one's rights no matter what the circumstance.

Correcting the situation when one's rights are being violated.

Seeking respect and understanding for one's feelings about a particular situation or circumstance.

Interacting in a mature manner with those found to be offensive, defensive, aggressive, hostile, blaming, attacking, or otherwise unreceptive.

Direct, upfront, (not defensive or manipulative) behavior. Those using assertive behavior confront problems, disagreement, or personal discomforts head on, and their intent is unmistakable to others.

Verbal ``I'' statements, where individuals tell others how they feel about a situation, circumstance, or the behavior of others.

Taking the risk of being misunderstood as being aggressive, abrasive, or attacking.

Being able to protect one's rights while protecting and respecting the rights of others.

Risk-taking behavior that is not ruled by fear of rejection or disapproval, but is directed by the rational belief that ``I deserve to stand up for my rights.''

Rational thinking and the self-affirmation of personal worth, respect, and rights.

A healthy style in which to conduct interpersonal relationships.

Finding a ``win-win'' solution in handling problems between two individuals.

You might wonder why I am "blogging" this. Throughout my life, I have often taken flack for speaking up when others will not. I have been labelled a "bitch" because I refuse to remain silent. I've been told I "complain" too much because I am constantly standing up for myself in situations where other might walk away.

The other night, I was trying to get an umbrella strategically placed at an outside bar because the sun was bothering me and the other people at the table. My tablemates decided to solve the "problem" by moving their chairs back into the shade (and further away from the rest of us seated at the table). The waiter was totally useless and none of the so-called "gentlemen" at my table had the cojones to get up and do anything!

So I just kept bugging the waiter. There were empty tables on the beach with umbrellas but, for some reason, he couldn't bring them over (ie. he was too LAZY to do it). There was an umbrella stashed behind us but, according to him, it wasn't "working". After many, many dirty looks, he finally successfully placed the "broken" umbrella in the stand and opened it up. What a miracle! It worked! Needless to say, he did not get a good tip and I will never sit in his section again.

"The squeaky wheel gets the grease." In other words, speak up if you want to get things done. Don't tell me I'm beautiful. I've heard that a million times. Tell me I am provocative, intelligent and assertive and I will acknowledge that you are a good judge of character. :)