Paying the Landlord

The first time I met my landlady, I was so hungover, I didn't even feel human until 5PM. Unfortunately, she started banging on my door much earlier than that. It was my first three day weekend after the high season and I ended up on a tear the night before with my best girlfriend from work, Scott, and a few of his friends. Drinks at CCs turned into drinks with dinner and then nightcaps at La Noche. I thought I was going to DIE the next morning!!!

So I'm lying in my bed, naked, attempting to placate the jackhammer in my head with enough ibuprofen to sedate an elephant, when I realize that the banging inside my brain is actually being echoed at my front door. My door is wrought iron and glass. The noise was deafening. I stuck my head out the second storey window and surprised a woman standing on my first floor landing. She immediately started speaking in rapid-fire Spanish and waving a paper at me.

Hardly able to stand up, the act of switching my brain from hungover in English to la cruda in Spanish proved too much for me. My downstairs neighbour, Estelle, sensing my consternation, yelled up to me, "ESTA LA DUENA!!!" (It's the owner!) I had never actually met the owners before. I barely met their son when I paid first and last month's rent three days AFTER I had already moved in. Alejandro (the son) spoke English. His mother, Ana, did not.

I threw on a beach coverup and splashed some water on my face. After daintily picking my way down the winding cement stairs to my main floor, I opened the door. I don't remember her actually introducing herself to me and we didn't shake hands. Instead, she thrust a piece of paper at me which turned out to be the electricity bill and demanded I give her 100 pesos. (I could understand none of what she said except the money amount.)

The amount on the bill said 177 pesos. So why only 100 pesos for me? Because I shared the electricity with Estelle downstairs and, since her place is much smaller than mine, I was liable for more than half the amount. I may have been hungover but I'm not stupid! The bill covered the time period from March 17 to May 18 or 63 days. I moved in on May 1st. The way I figured it, I was responsible for 1/2 of 18 days worth of electricity or approximately 26 pesos.

I went upstairs to get my calculator and my money. I explained that I had only been living there for 18 days. La Dueña explained that Valerie (my friend and the previous tenant) was supposed to give me money to pay for her share. I knew damn well that Val's rent INCLUDED utilities and during her six months in residence, she had never been presented with an electricity bill. I told her Valerie didn't give me any money!

I did my calculations on the calculator and explained to her what I was doing. When I showed her I actually owed 26 pesos, she didn't seem overly surprised. I gave her 50 pesos and said thank you. She smiled and departed. After she left, I realized that (1) I was probably oozing vodka from every pore and this was hardly the impression I wanted to make on my new landlord and (2) I had conducted the entire conversation in Spanish without even being conscious of doing so!